and the Computer
the third day, Satan was still trying to pick an argument with Jesus about who
could get the
most out of his computer. God, tired of hearing it,
I will test both of you for three hours and I will judge who does the better
they sat down at their keyboards and worked at top speed. They typed. They
moused. They did spreadsheets. But
only a few minutes before the three hours were up, lightning flashed across the sky,
thunder rolled, and rain came down in torrents.
Of course, the electricity went off.
was furious. He fumed. He fussed. He ranted and
The electricity stayed off.
a while, the storm
stopped and the electricity came back on. Satan
howled, “I lost it all because the power went
off! What am I going to do?”
Satan sneered, “Why are You smiling? What
happened to Your work?”
Jesus turned His computer back on, the screen glowed, and when He refreshed the
screen, it was all there.
“HOW DID YOU DO
THAT?!” Satan screamed.
smiled and replied, “Jesus saves.”
author unknown. Revised.)
and the Computer
Moses said, "Excuse me, Sir."
God responded, "Is that you again, Moses?"
"I'm afraid it is, Sir."
"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
"How did You guess?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"
"Oh, yes, of course."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But You already know, Sir. Remember?"
"Well, go ahead,
Moses. Spit it out."
"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten
things You sent me via
"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
"That's it. I was wondering if they are important."
"What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."
"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them;
but of course,
You would see right through that."
"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"
Sir. I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though."
"And did you hear back from any of them?"
"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought Your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."
"Oh. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"
"The term is 'spamming,' Moses."
"Oh, yes. I emailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten
'things,' do you?"
"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses."
"Whatever. This computer stuff is just too much for me! Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."
"We will do it the new way, Moses, using
"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"
"No, I decided to try calling Technical Support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than
You? And I really like Your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"One other thing. Why did You not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice' because did
You not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I did not name them, Moses, man did.
You may call yours a frog if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'"
"Say 'good night,' Moses."
"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let me see... 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave
an image' and 'Thou shalt not correct thy neighbor's wife.'"
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."
are hymns for every occupation. Is
yours in this sampling?
- Lord, Make Me An Instrument Of Thy Peace
- O God, Our Help In Ages Past
- Draw Me Nearer
- Earth And All Stars
- We Search The Starlit Milky Way
- All My Life Long I Had Panted
employees - Reach Out And Touch
pairs - Getting Used To The Family of God
- Break Thou The Bread of Life
- Jesus Saves!
- Fill My Cup, Lord
collectors - Jesus Paid It All
- Fight The Good Fight
- How Firm A Foundation
- Is My Name Written There?
- Get All Excited
- Face To Face
care workers - Jesus Loves The Little Children
- Crown Him With Many Crowns
- So Send I You
- The Great Physician
cleaners - Are You Washed In The Blood?
- Send The Light
medical technicians - Rescue The Perishing
- We Plow The Fields And Scatter The Good Seed
- It Only Takes A Spark
parents - Abide With Me
directors - Days Are Filled With Sorrow And Care
- In The Garden
- Join All The Glorious Names
– Take Me To The Rock That Is Higher Than I
- There Is A Green Hill Far Away
- Low In The Grave He Lay
shift workers - It May Be At Morn
mechanics - Cleanse Me
Hoteliers - Have
You Any Room For Jesus?
agents - Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine
- It Is No Secret
- Just As I Am, Without One Plea
officers - Jesus Never Fails
therapists - He Touched Me
- Higher Ground
- If I Gained The World
climbers - Rock Of Ages, Cleft For Me
- Hear The Bells Ringing
- Open My Eyes That I Might See
- Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
negotiators - Let There Be Peace On Earth
shoppers - Sweet Bye And Bye
- Nothing But The Blood
- Standing On The Promises Of God
inmates - I Surrender All
estate agents & Property managers - I've Got A Mansion Just Over The Hilltop
estate investors - When I Can Read My Title Clear
Cross workers - A Shelter In The Time Of Storm
therapists - O Breath Of Life
- Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting
- I've Anchored My Soul
& Tailors - Holy, Holy, Holy
guards - Security
- Great Hills May Tremble
- Moment By Moment
- Burdens Are Lifted At Calvary
- I Heard An Old, Old Story
teachers - Come To The Water
& Other Drivers:
mph - God Will Take Care of You
65 mph - Nearer My God To Thee
85 mph - This World Is Not My Home
95 mph - Lord, I'm Coming Home
100 mph - Precious Memories
repairers - There's A Call Comes Ringing
guides - Anywhere With Jesus I Can Safely Go
drivers - Out In The Highways And By-ways Of Life
- All Creatures Of Our God And King
- He Keeps Me Singing
forecasters - There Shall Be Showers Of Blessings